Terrible, isn’t it? How can a grown man take a pun, an unrecognisable one at that, and seek to turn it into an introduction for an article ostensibly dedicated to serious political discourse?
The answer, of course, is Twitter …
If you’re a parent you’ll appreciate the bone-grinding intensity of summer cinema. I’m fortunate to be father to four little wealth-redistributors (essentially mine). In what may appear to be preparation for a life in the Labour politics, they all enjoy sitting in a dark room, eating poorly prepared overpriced snacks. Sometimes, this coincides with watching films.
Don’t tell him, Pike …
The best part of last week’s enforced viewing of Minions left me £50 lighter and critically challenged by the underwhelming cinematic treat. Before I left I demonstrated the good sense, taste, decency and all-round desire to see Labour win again by way of congratulating Harriet Harman on social media for what was a genuinely superb interview on the Sunday Politics. In case you missed it, Harriet lanced the welfare boil and gave her successor a gift-wrapped, gold-plated present by explaining that Labour was in favour of welfare reform.
Hat’s the way to do it
Reader, I returned to a Twitter-trolling the likes of which Rob Lowe is now famous for dishing out with all the passive-aggressive panache of someone who used to be in the West Wing.
My first mistake was to admit to being a father. Clearly a bourgeois move. My second was to confess that I’d taken said children to the cinema to watch an unapproved motion picture. I’ll never learn.
Commending Harriet for wanting Labour to become electable, being a father and taking my children to the cinema, it turns out, means that I bear all the hallmarks of a crypto-fascist fifth columnist, which, apparently, I must be.
I wouldn’t know this if it wasn’t for the supportive network of certain self-styled leftwing tweeters, who – thank God – pointed this out to me.
This was the final straw for some. Harriet. Cinema. Roast dinner. I was denounced as a Tory.
The past five years have been a hard road for Labour. We knowingly wasted a defeat and deliberately refused to face up to the global changes affecting our country. We let down our people and got what we – tragically – deserved. Five more gruelling years lie ahead.
We will get back. We will govern again. But alleged Labour supporters turning on Labour members of parliament because of a cultural need to seek betrayal around every corner when in reality the same MPs are simply trying to listen to the electorate and reconnect with the public means that the journey may yet be harder than it ought to ever be.
And if your kids do want to see Minions, wait for the DVD.
Progressive centre-ground Labour politics does not come for free.
Our work depends on you.